Last winter I previewed of the awakening of my darkest night (compliments of a pot cookie.)
By spring, I realized that there isn’t a single lens through which to tell a story (unless I hide from its full expression.)
This summer I returned to the place where night, like a guillotine, sliced through me.
“When you bring light into your own darkness you begin to integrate the light into your life in a balanced way,” writes Anthropologist Angeles Arrien, the author of my favorite tarot guide. “Art is the union of opposition, paradox and polarity out of which a greater whole is created.”
Despite my thirty-four yearlong personal writing practice, I’ve only just begun to understand that what I do is art which by extension might make me… an artist?
This is terrifying.
For so many reasons.
Not the least of which is practical.
“We are tempered, and discover the artistry of who we are when we face and move through our fear of defeat, disappointment, anxiety, strife and worry,” writes Arrien.
As if to mock my fear, the tarot offers me the ART card, which I never much noticed before, even though my own sun sign is at its center.
“Sagittarius reminds us it is through our life visions and dreams that we fully express the artistry of who we are as well as resolve any apparent conflicts or oppositions within our nature.”
Living my life as an art is something I’ve cultivated–sacrifice by sacrifice, choice by choice, crumb by crumb–following what brings energy to me and into the lives of others; but I am only just beginning to understand what it is to be an artist–what it demands–what it refuses–what it costs–and what it doesn’t promise.
“The integration of our gifts and weaknesses allows us to inspire and motivate others to face their challenges from their greater sense of Being.”
This fall, I’m picking up where I left off in the spring–with the writing project that I began four years ago–with the promise that it will bear fruit, not just inside, where it has been so very fertile, but outside, where it will meet readers–lots of them.
((Arrien, The Tarot Handbook)